Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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