yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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