I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
