I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
