I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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