She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's blow job season.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
