I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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