no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
