im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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