Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
