i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
