well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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