As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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