Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
