He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
