Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
