In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
