What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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