im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Girls should come with a carfax report
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
