wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
