The maid of honor just puked.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
