You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
