i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
