Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
