I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
