i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
