I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
