if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
