So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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