in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
