Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
