GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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