he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
