I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
