it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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