So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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