i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
