How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
