Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
