don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
