just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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