Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
