I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
