a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
