he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
