The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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