It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
