i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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