I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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