youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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