shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize