This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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