I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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