I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
