I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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