Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
