I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
