I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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