I will die if light touches me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
