I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
