Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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