D3 body, D1 cock
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
