As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize