It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
