Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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