Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
