i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
