I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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