Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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