I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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