sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
